


Counting Stars

by Etherway



Series: After The War [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Dorks in Love, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hero Complex, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:02:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24715015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etherway/pseuds/Etherway
Summary: "What do you want, Adora?" Catra asked, half smirking, half sulking. Knowing she had checkmate, but on the other hand dreading the coming silence as she knew Adora wouldn't be able to give her an answer."You..." Adora said, pulling her in tighter, "I want you..."Oh...She did not expect that...
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: After The War [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781746
Comments: 10
Kudos: 161





	Counting Stars

Adora couldn’t help but stare at the empty bed. She had to supress the wince at the smothering feel of guilt that coursed through her body and had to remind herself to breathe. Its occupant was now sitting quietly beside her, she had pulled her knees up to her chest and was slowly rocking backwards and forwards as she observed the crowd. Sea Hawk had stood upon his chair to sing a shanty of their victory only to be shouted down everyone before he could start. But even as everyone was laughing and revelling and the sheer atmosphere felt like it was enough to blow the roof off the cave, Adora couldn’t bring herself to smile. Because she finally understood.

She understood how it _felt._

This feeling inside her had single handily crippled her ability to become She’ra. Had confused her and caused more conflict in her soul than anything she had felt before, even now she could still feel it devouring any hope of happiness she could feel right now, all because of a few words:

_“No you don’t. You never have.”_

Adora came to the sudden and crushing realisation at that moment what she had done. She realised that however many times she tried to mask it to both herself and others, she never really understood. She had said that she had left the _horde_. Not once did she ever sit down and really try and consider the consequences, she had to leave- to fight for what was right and she never understood why Catra didn’t get that.

Until the night before… When Catra left. Adora felt like all the happiness she had managed to scrape together being with her friends had left so fast it had forgotten to even say goodbye. She felt the stabbing feeling of so much regret that she had curled into a ball for a few minutes after and hoped the world would swallow her up. But then again…

maybe it _could._

She had the failsafe, she would take it to the heart and destroy it, with or without She’ra. What she felt anymore didn’t matter, if she had to go out whilst saving her friends… whilst saving Catra… then it was worth it. She hoped desperately that it would be enough. She needed to repent for what she had done. A life for a life… She would give hers willingly.

She understood at that moment, that even though she _had_ left the horde to fight for the rebellion she had _also_ left Catra… On a much more personal level. She always got furious thinking about how _Catra_ couldn’t see that she did what had to be done. That _Catra_ couldn’t see that she was doing the right thing.

What Adora never stopped to think about was just how _much_ it hurt. How _much_ it tore her soul apart: until it became an all-consuming blight upon her being. She, for once finally _understood_.

And it was all. Too. _Late._

Even when Catra had come back and she had taken Adora by the hand and was the sole driving force towards the heart, Adora’s head was in turmoil. She kept trying to find the words to express just how _sorry_ she was. But she didn’t find them. So, when they reached the heart Adora’s first plan came back to the forefront. To get Catra out, make sure she’s safe… _nothing_ else mattered.

But that _stupid, stubborn,_ outright _amazing_ girl wouldn’t budge. If they were going out, then they were going out how they started: _together._

Adora was brought back to present when she felt a slight weight against her shoulder. Catra had drifted closer and was now gently leaning up against her. She felt her little bubble of despair get a little brighter at the touch. Her hand dropped between them and she felt her breath hitch when her hand brushed against Catra’s. It got a little darker as she felt Catra flinch away from her touch. She looked out the corner of her eye to see Catra with a surprised expression, followed by an apologetic one. Then she felt Catra’s fingers folded over her own as they interlocked, and Adora felt her little bubble nearly dissipate at the touch. She beamed back at Catra who smiled gently in return and leaned more heavily against her.

But Adora needed to think this through, to clear her head. She thought back to her dream, of her friends running and laughing and teasing and… She hoped to any deity that could possibly exist that didn’t want to destroy the universe (as they had a few issues with those) that such a dream could become real. But… then she had to come to the only downside of her dream:

“ _There will be no future… not for you.”_ Adora knew it was just Horde Prime’s last way of messing with her head. But, she couldn’t help feel that… maybe… maybe she didn’t _deserve_ that future. She looked down at their joined hands between them, and she couldn’t understand _why._ She wasn’t doubting her own conviction to Catra of course, by the end she was willing to give everything she was purely to make sure Catra walked out alive. But after all she had done to her… _why_ was Catra still here? Why didn’t she leave again? Adora knew she deserved that.

But she remembered something Perfuma had told her a few months ago, when someone brought up the topic and Adora once again had to bite the bullet of the looks she was about to receive and ask: _“What the hell is love?”_ Of course, coming from the horde she had never once heard the word, let alone a meaningful description. So, she tried to ignore the looks of shock at her question from her friends once again. Unusually instead of Glimmer or Bow speaking up to inform her what the real world was about, it was Perfuma.

“Love is… oh dear… Love is a feeling… an attachment so to speak. It can be… a passionate as a wildfire or as cold as frozen water. Love can be used to describe an attachment to several people, for example, you will love your parents-

Well… Adora didn’t have any of those- except Shadow weaver, and she had shuddered at the thought.

“You will love your friends-

Ok… fair enough, she always felt like there was… something… between her, Glimmer and Bow… and what she used to feel with Catra.

“And there is someone who the term is named after, a lover… It’s… hard to put into words but… love is… blind, it holds no prejudices, it holds no malice. It doesn’t _need_ a reason to exist… only that it does. Love is – as a person, our greatest weapon, our biggest shield… and our most vulnerable weakness. It is… in a way… eternal. When you love someone, you will never stop loving them, no matter how badly it hurts-

Adora was reminded of the awful, twisting, cramped feeling in her heart she had to ignore every time she faced down Catra. The feeling that she just wanted to drop her sword and surrender, just so she didn’t have to fight her _again._

“Love is irrational and beautiful, but it makes itself rational simply by its feeling… It’s terrible because it can cause so much pain, yet it is wonderful that it can heal that and push a person to be their very best. It’s hard work because so much effort is needed to feel it and yet it is the greatest feeling in the world and the greatest reward we can strive for…”

Adora blinked at their hands. Maybe… maybe Perfuma was right? “ _Love is blind, it doesn’t need a reason to exist… only that it does.”_ Maybe… Adora _didn’t_ have to search for a reason _why_ Catra was still here, holding her hand, maybe there wasn’t a reason. But Catra was here and Adora realised she couldn’t be happier for it. Her bubble popped and Adora couldn’t keep the elated smile off her face at the result of her introspection. She was so totally, unavoidably and _completely_ in love with the girl leaning up against her, and that… that was the only reason she would _ever_ need.

“What’s made you so happy?” Catra asked quietly so as not to be heard by their happily chatting friends.

“Oh, it’s nothing-…” Adora cut herself off. It wasn’t nothing… no…

it was _everything._

“It’s just… I love you.” She said and this time really cherished the warmth that blossomed in her chest as she said it, and she certainly… definitely did _not_ enjoy the blush that erupted across Catra’s cheeks and raced up to her nose… Ok, she was lying. She Definitely _did_ enjoy it.

Catra sighed but a smile worked its way on to her face. “I love you too.” She said and rested her head on Adora’s shoulder. “Idiot.” Adora’s smile widened and she rested her head on top of Catra’s and hummed happily, closing her eyes and just taking the feeling in. If she had actually died at the heart and this is what came after, then she wouldn’t complain. But as Catra’s thumb stroked over the top of her knuckles, Adora basked in how wonderfully, amazingly _real_ this felt. Adora now knew Perfuma was definitely right. It had been hard work- it had taken them trying to kill each other time and time again and finally saving the universe. But no reward could beat this fluttering in her chest and feeling the gentle warmth of Catra’s breath brush over her shoulder.

She was willing to risk everything to save this person, and she had been gifted everything in return. She now understood why Perfuma seemed to struggle so much when she tried to explain the feeling. Because it simply couldn’t be described- She wanted nothing more than to run around and scream to the world how happy she was, and she also wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment, treasuring the heat radiating off Catra’s body. To her delight, she realised that she _could_. Nothing was going to try and kill them, nothing was going to try and destroy the universe, and so she _did_.

And she couldn’t be happier.

.o0o.

As the light faded and everyone begun to turn in for the night, Adora noticed that Catra was awkwardly standing by her mattress, not looking quite sure of herself. Adora tilted her head to the side in a questioning manner. Catra very slowly, with a single foot, gently pushed her mattress so it rested next to Adora’s.

“Is… Is this Okay?” She asked quietly, in a tone of voice that Adora realised she hadn’t heard from Catra’s mouth before.

Timid.

But she really wasn’t focusing on that. More on the fact she had another crushing realisation. She was wrong… She _could_ be happier. Was there a stop to this? A limit? She didn’t know, but she wanted to find out.

With an uncontrollable smile on her face she walked up to Catra and waited for a second, just so she could take in the way her eyes shined in the small amount of moonlight that was drifting through a small gap in the ceiling of the cave. Then she took a dive and planted her lips against Catra’s treasuring the static that shot down her spine at the feeling.

“Of course it’s okay.” She whispered against her mouth. She felt Catra shiver through her hands and now she was enjoying herself _way_ too much. Her hand rested to cup Catra’s face and her finger accidently slipped and brushed a spot behind Catra’s ear. She heard Catra’s breath hitch and she produced a soft purr against her mouth. Oh, she was _so_ going to have to remember that for later. Adora jumped when she felt something brush against the back of her leg. She broke away from Catra and looked behind her to see Melog rubbing up against her. She turned back to Catra. “I hope you don’t mind sharing.” She said whilst waggling her eyebrows. Catra groaned and headbutted Adora’s shoulder who was cackling at her joke.

“Really…” She groaned as Adora wrapped and arm around her shoulders. Adora’s laughter soon got cut off as she yawned and her other arm wrapped around her, pulling Catra in a hug, Catra smiled into her shoulder and returned her embrace- sighing happily into her shoulder as she felt Adora rest her head on top of hers.

“We did it…” Adora whispered and her arms pulled Catra in tighter.

“We did it.” She mumbled against her shoulder. Adora let out a tired laugh.

“I’ve got a feeling we may be trying to convince ourselves of that for quite a while.”

“Maybe…” Catra said, happy to listen to the steady drumming of Adora’s heartbeat. “But we have time.”

“Time…” Adora echoed, “Time sounds nice.”

It did… time sounded _great._ Catra felt Adora’s head lay more heavily upon her and jerk back up as she started dozing off on her. “Come on. Bed, now.” She said pushing Adora off her but mostly holding her up as she guided Adora to their mattress on the floor.

“Hear that Melog?” Adora said sleepily “A beautiful girl has invited me into their bed!” Catra felt her cheeks burn. _Beautiful?_ She quickly brushed it off as Adora being tired and her usual jokey self. Still… it caused an unpleasantly nice feeling within her; one she had been feeling more and more of lately. No, it wasn’t unpleasant, just… strange, it was a feeling she had barely any time to recognise since she was rescued by Adora from Horde Prime’s ship. The last time she felt it from before then was… back in the fright zone- before Adora left…

_Ah… Right…_

Adora more or less flopped down on the Mattress and clumsily managed to slip under the covers and patted the spot next to her. Catra smiled and actually flopped down next to her, relishing how she bounced off the mattress. There was a rustling by their feet, and they looked down to see Melog curl up and promptly fall asleep.

“Hey…” Adora said as she yawned. “She’s got your spot!”

“Yeah…” Catra said quietly, trying not to remember all the times when she _couldn’t_ do that.

“Sorry…” Adora apologised as she saw the look on Catra’s face. With a surprising amount of strength considering how not awake she was, Adora rolled her over to face her and pulled her closer, so she was flush against her.

“I prefer you up here.” She said happily, running her fingers through the hairs at the back of Catra’s neck. Catra blushed but she returned Adora’s embrace and her tail subconsciously wrapped around Adora’s waist. She phased out for a minute but when she snapped back to reality, she realised she’d been staring at Adora’s eyes the whole time… they were blue… er than she remembered. But hey, she wasn’t complaining.

“I love you.” Adora said again and Catra felt her blush intensify. But if she could go to bed hearing that every night…

She could live with that.

“I love you too.” She replied and nestled closer into Adora and rested her forehead against her shoulder, feeling Adora settle down against the top of her head. Catra smiled in her sleepy haze, she had never realised it before as she always slept by Adora’s feet, but Adora was _warm_.

She knew their lives still wouldn’t be simple, a lot needed sorting out… and she needed to account for so much. But that could start tomorrow. For now, she was content just to close her eyes and-

“Wait is Melog a she?” Adora said, sitting up, looking at the cat by their feet. “Or is it a he? It? They? I don’t know…”

“ _Adoorrraaa_. Come back to bed!” Catra moaned and waved a hand up, brushing over Adora’s shoulder, trying to pull her back down. Adora huffed but relented and laid back down, Catra tangled their legs and tightened her grip on Adora’s waist so she wasn’t tempted to move again.

“I’m going to love it when you say that…” Adora said cheekily but Catra couldn’t even find the energy to be embarrassed by her statement. “Sorry, about the whole Melog thing, I just want to get it right-

“ _Sleeeep._ ” Catra moaned again and pushed her head further into Adora’s shoulder.

“Okay! Okay, sleeping now….” Adora quickly relented and Catra smiled into her shoulder allowing one last thought worm it’s way into her mind before she drifted off…

She could get used to this.

.o0o.

Catra was holding Adora’s broken body, her hands were shaking and here mind was recoiling at the sheer impossibility of what was happening. Something had gone wrong, so, _so_ wrong… the failsafe hadn’t worked- it had backfired… and now she was cradling Adora’s head against herself. Deep down in herself, she wasn’t surprised. She knew she deserved this, this desperate feeling ricocheting around her chest. She had caused destruction on a near global scale, Etheria lay in ruins and had been pulled out of its dimension so Horde Prime could find it… and now most of their people were being forcibly enslaved. However much she didn’t want to think about it, she had been responsible for it _all._

Strangely she was more or less at peace with it. She would pay for it, one way or another and she readily assumed that payment would be her life, it was the reason she happily threw herself at that… _thing_ back in the antechamber to buy Adora and Shadow weaver some time. She could only pray Shadow Weaver didn’t try anything- that Adora was safe. It was strange… for so long she had trudged forward, fuelled only by her hatred. But now, even after all she had done, she was given somethings that she never expected to deserve: Hope, and Adora

Though in a way… they were both one and the same.

She had let herself cling on to that hope, like a life ring in the middle of a storm. She hoped that maybe… maybe if she stayed afloat long enough for the storm to pass, she would be able to find some form of redemption. She knew she didn’t deserve it, but she wanted to at least _try_ to do some good with her life, however long that took. But now… Both those things she had been given were being crushed under the unrelenting certainty of the universe. If only she had gotten Adora to the heart sooner, then the failsafe wouldn’t have been corrupted and _this_ wouldn’t be happening. But that was always the case when Catra came to Adora, she was always too slow. She clutched Adora closer to her and she looked down at her face, her heart wrenching at the sight of the angry green veins that coursed across her face.

“You can’t give up. You have _never_ given up on anything in your life. Not even on me.” She said, hoping for a response, a flicker, _anything_ to pass across her face. _So, don’t you dare start now!_ Her mind screamed as her hands gripped Adora closer. She felt Adora’s breath stutter and her heartbeat grew weaker. _No! No!_ She pulled Adora up to her shoulder and she rested her head against hers. “I’ve got you, im not letting go.” She said closing her eyes and just _hoping_. But Adora’s heartbeat was constantly getting weaker and she didn’t know what to _do._

 _Don’t you get it?_ Her mind screamed as she burrowed her face in the crook of Adora’s neck. _I love you! I always have!_ But it seemed that hope was not enough. _So please just this once… Stay!_ She pulled Adora even closer to her and laid across her shoulder. “Stay.” She said in a final desperate whisper. She felt Adora’s breath stutter and she looked up, the hope rekindling in her soul. But the stutter died out… along with her heartbeat.

She stared, her vision tunnelling as her walls collapsed around her. As the Heart throbbed above her, green lighting arcing across the chamber she clutched Adora’s rapidly cooling body against her.

_No, no, no, Please!_

She knew she couldn’t claim that it wasn’t fair. But she wanted to anyway, she thought she had something, thought she had a _chance._ But now that was gone, scattered to the wind like a leaf on a stream.

She closed her eyes as several bright green lights flashed around her, and she heard footsteps approach her. She clung to Adora eve more tightly as the rattling sound of boots against metal echoed through her head.

“I’m… sorry, little sister. This was not necessary.” Horde Prime’s voice punctured through her head like a branding iron.

“No!” She growled and covered Adora’s body with her own, he would _not_ have her. She heard a crunching sound and her eyes slowly opened to see Horde Prime had crouched before her and all his eyes buried their way into her soul.

“I told you she causes you nothing but pain… Even after she promised to stay, she has left you once more…”

She saw him give her that sick smile. “So I’ll ask again little sister…” She felt his fingers wrap around her chin and she was powerless as he lifter her eyes to face him “Was it _worth_ it?” She felt a wrenching feeling in her chest and a burning in her eyes as she was consumed by a blinding flash of light. She felt like she was punched in the stomach as all her breath left her and her eyes snapped awake.

“Adora!”

.o0o.

Adora was first alerted that something was wrong when she was snapped awake when she felt Catra jerk in her arms. She looked closer, her eyes were clenched shut and her entire body was tensed. She was trying to twist and was murmuring something under her breath. It looked like she was having a nightmare. Adora felt the sorrow flutter through her chest, nightmares at this time probably would be amongst the least pleasant things they could face now, they had been through a lot, they didn’t to go through it again.

“Catra.” She whispered, gently shaking her but received no response. “Catra, come on, wake up!” She whispered more urgently. Her only reply was Catra crying out and jerking in her sleep. Adora shook her more vigorously, and she felt a bolt of relief when Catra’s eyes opened. But that was quickly crushed when she realised they were hazy, unfocused. She hadn’t woken up at all. Catra cried out again, her voice breaking, and she sounded like she was struggling to breathe.

Adora didn’t know what to do. Her little bubble of happiness that had been rapidly growing shattered at her feet.

She grabbed Catra’s shirt and really shook her, in a last-ditch attempt to see if that would snap her out of it, but to no avail. Catra screamed out, causing several of their friends to stir in their sleep. But Adora heeded them no attention and wrapped Catra up as tightly as she could.

“Come back to me.” She whispered, starting to feel the cold grip of hopelessness once again. She felt Catra grip her tightly, her head burying into the crook of her neck and Adora quickly checked to see if she had woken up. She hadn’t. Even amidst her panic Adora’s brain did take a moment to realise that the whole burying face in neck motion was a natural one and her heart fluttered. But right now, she had more pressing things to worry about.

She felt Catra grip her arms tighter and Adora responded by strengthening her arms around her. She didn’t even flinch when Catra’s nails pressed into the skin of her left arm and punctured through. It was of little concern to her. She looked up to see Melog had awoken and was gently nudging Catra’s back, purring in concern. Catra screamed out again and her grip tightened. This time Adora did wince slightly as her nails dug further into her arm but she stayed put. She had caused most of the pain Catra was going through, this was nothing.

Adora felt something course throughout her veins, something that she hoped she wouldn’t have to feel again so soon. _Fear_. Adora admitted it, she had just taken a life or death gamble and faced down a raving intergalactic psychopath, yet she was scared that she couldn’t wake Catra up. It tore at her heart, seeing Catra jerk about and cry out in her sleep and she was powerless to do anything about it. She hated that feeling- being powerless. Not having the power to do something was not an obstacle she had to deal with on a regular basis. But here she was, and she had no idea what to do, and she was scared. She wanted to run, to clear her head. But she wouldn’t. _Stay._ That was her promise. So, she wouldn’t leave her.

_Never again._

Letting go wasn’t an option and having no superior knowledge of the best course of action Adora simply clung to Catra as tightly as possible, whispering things into her ear whilst rocking backwards and forwards, anything to try and soothe her out, ignoring the dull throb in her arm as Catra clung to her. She carried on like this for what felt like hours, trying desperately to break through to Catra but to no avail.

Suddenly she heard Catra gasp and shudder in her arms. “Adora!” she rasped out into her shoulder. Adora breathed out a sigh of relief that she had been holding the whole time and lowered her arm down towards her waist, to allow her more freedom of movement whilst still supporting her and keeping her close. Adora was still sacred half to death about not being able to wake Catra up. But if _that’s_ what she was thinking about the moment she woke up afterwards…

_Damn…_

Yep. She was in love.

Well…She already knew that. But far, _far_ deeper than she ever thought was possible.

“I’m here.” She said and stroked the back of Catra’s hair, her heart skipping a beat as Catra’s eyes locked on to hers

“Adora?” She whispered and her hand gently rose to her face. Adora pressed her cheek into Catra’s palm.

“I’m here.” She said again. Catra stared at her in disbelief for a second before crushing her in a hug. Adora returned the gesture and nestled her head on top of Catra’s. “I’m here.” She whispered as Catra was shaking in her arms. Catra buried her eyes against Adora’s shoulder as her breath came out in rasps.

Adora looked up and realised Glimmer was staring at them with a concerned expression on her face. Adora smiled even though she felt far from happy and flapped her hand down, telling her to go back to sleep. She had this.

She hoped…

Glimmer seemed to accept her and rested her head back down next to Bow’s arm. Adora turned her attention back down as Catra’s breathing seemed to even out. Catra backed up slightly and looked up at her, her eyes were twitching but seemed to be back in focus. Adora smiled in relief and leaned forwards, placing a quick kiss against her forehead, before wrapping an arm back up towards her back and pulling her back into a hug. Catra squeezed her back and pressed her head against her neck, trying to even out her breath. Adora shivered when she felt Catra’s breath wash over her neck unevenly, like she whispered something. She wasn’t quite sure she heard her right, but it sounded something along lines of: “It was worth it.” But she wasn’t entirely sure that’s what Catra had said.

Adora cradled Catra to her for several more minutes, allowing Catra to regain her grip on reality, relishing the feeling of Catra’s pulse against the hand around the side of her neck. When Catra pulled away again Adora felt a pang in her chest as she looked at her face. The happy Catra she had seen before they went to bed had all but evaporated, replaced by an expression that Adora recognised- Catra was scared, a rare look on her but certainly an unpleasant one.

“I’m sorry I woke you…” She said, looking down at her lap.

“What? Why would you be sorry about that?”

“Because after all… _that_ , you really need some sleep, knowing you weren’t resting well yesterday, or the day before.”

“pfft. I can handle that.” Adora said making a dismissive gesture with her hand. “I’m just sorry that I didn’t know how to wake you up.”

Catra’s eyes snapped back up again. “What? Why…” She caught herself as she was about to copy Adora. The silenced reigned for a second before they both let out quiet laughs as to not wake anyone up.

“We’re a mess…” Adora said. Resting her head back on top of Catra’s.

“Yeah… we are.” Catra replied and sighed in Adora’s embrace. “I… I don’t want to go back to sleep.” Adora pulled away and looked down at her, she really couldn’t blame her. She looked up and saw the dim silver lights of the moons peak through the covering of the cave entrance.

“I have an idea.” Adora said and disentangled herself from Catra and helped her get to her feet.

“What?” Catra asked rubbing her eyes with her fists.

“Come on!” Adora said grabbing her and hand crouching down to pick up their blankets from the floor. She pulled her towards the entrance of the cave and held the hide open for Catra and Melog to pass underneath. They walked out outside and were bathed in the light of the moons. Catra’s eyes immediately snapped into focus in the dim lighting as Adora led her a little ways away from the tree. They made it passed a small rock formation and out of the cover of the trees until they were looking across a small field with the rockface behind them. Adora threw the blankets by the cliff and jogged back to the treeline.

Catra smiled as she heard Adora let out a string of irritated curses as she tripped over roots and other obstacles because she couldn’t’ see where she was going. Adora soon returned with an armful of small rocks and dumped them on the ground at Catra’s feet.

“What _are_ you doing?” Catra asked shaking her head as Adora crouched down and arranged the rocks in a large circle.

“You’ll see!” Adora said looking up at her and Catra realised that Adora’s eyes prettily shone in the light of the moons above them. She ran back off to the treeline, returning whilst carrying an array of sticks and dumped them to the side of her rock circle and ran back again and this time came back with a few large pieces of fallen deadwood and a massive lump of leaves on top. She dumped those to the side too and sat next to the circle. Catra followed suit and watched with interest as Adora got to work. She felt Melog sit beside her as they watched Adora.

She picked one of the smaller logs and placed it standing vertically in the centre of the rock circle and placed the sticks around it, leaning up against the centre log like a cone. When she was satisfied, she removed a few of the sticks so there was an opening and placed them to the side. She took one of the tougher looking sticks and placed it on top of a slab of bark she had brought back.

“Pass me the leaves?” Adora asked and Catra picked up a few handfuls of leaves and placed them near… _whatever_ Adora was working on. Catra then shivered as a small but cold breeze blew over the field. “Yep, hang on, I’m working on it.” Adora said as she bunched the leaves up near the bark. She placed the bark in front of her and grabbed the stick before ramming the stick onto the bark and spun as fast as she could by placing it between her palms and rubbed them together. Catra raised an eyebrow, not really sure what Adora was trying to do. But then she saw the spark appear from the bark and Adora laughed in joy at her achievement.

Adora picked up the bark that had the spark on it and gently pushed it inside the large pile of leaves she was holding. She then cupped her hands and picked up the pile before gently blowing on it. Catra’s eyes widened when she saw the pile began to smoke. Adora blew a few more times before the pile soon ignited and Adora was holding fire.

“Ta da!” She singed happily and gently placed the pile inside the entrance of her cone before she could burn herself. She closed the entrance over with more sticks and blew gently on her fire again as the sticks began to catch alight and soon, they were sitting next to a crackling campfire. Catra stared in wonderment. She had seen these things before but had never seen them made.

Catra shuffled closer to the fire and held her hands out, relishing the intense heat. Adora stood up and walked back to the cliff face a step behind Catra and rested one of the blankets against the rock. She then sat down, resting her back against the blanket and gestured for Catra to come and join her. Catra got to her feet and hesitantly sat down next to Adora. Adora sighed and rolled her eyes at Catra before wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling Catra onto her lap with a yelp. Adora then reached out to the side and grabbed the second blanket, wrapping it around them to block most of the wind before resting her arms around Catra’s waist and pulling her tighter against herself. Melog followed and curled up once more at their feet.

Catra sighed and relaxed back against Adora’s chest as she stared at the fire. She ran her thumb over her fingers but paused when she felt they were slick. She lifted her hand above the cover and examined her fingers, they were covered in crimson liquid: blood. She closed her eyes and let her brain wonder, she didn’t feel any pain, so it wasn’t hers and the only person she was near enough to…

Adora…

She jerked out of Adora’s arms and threw the cover off them, she turned to examine Adora as her eyes glided down Adora’s body looking for any sign that she may have hurt her.

“Catra? What is it?” Adora asked, eyes narrowing in concern at Catra’s reaction.

“Turn around.” Catra said, her eyes twitching just to confirm the was nothing on her front.

“What?” Adora asked again.

“Adora. Turn. Around.” She said very slowly, trying to contain the bubbling fear inside of her.

Adora scowled and crossed her arms. “No.” She refused.

“ _Adora!”_ Catra growled and punched the ground but cut herself short as she felt the fear spike inside. In her heart she already knew, but she needed to be sure. _“Please…”_ she pleaded. Adora sighed but her resolve crumbled and she slowly turned around. Catra stifled a gasp at the five red gashes in her upper arm. They looked deep. Catra felt her heart clench, even now she _still_ was able to hurt Adora, she never wanted to again, but she had already ruined that resolution. She shot to her feet, mind overwhelmed and was about to tear off when she felt Adora’s hand clamp over hers.

“Don’t. you. Dare.” She said frowning at her, but her expression looked desperate. It took a second, but rational thought soon returned to Catra’s head. She sighed. It looked bad but running away again wouldn’t help.

“Okay.” She whispered and her muscles slackened. Adora’s grip loosened but she still kept Catra’s hands in hers. Catra slowly walked behind Adora and crouched down to further inspect her wound. It didn’t look dirty so it probably wouldn’t get infected, but it was best to make sure.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” Catra said standing up and letting go of Adora’s hand. “Melog? Make sure she stays put.” She heard Adora make a “Hmph.” Sound as Melog laid on her and she felt a small smile form on her lips. She pushed through the hide and re-entered the cave.

She looked around and couldn’t help but smile again. A cave full of sleeping _princesses_. Oh, how the old Catra would have loved being in this posi- She shook her head to banish the though. She wasn’t that anymore, didn’t want to even _think_ like that anymore. Her eyes drifted to the edge of the cave and spied the things she would need. She silently walked to the side and grabbed a water flask, a small cloth and the medical box. She crept back outside and turned right, beelining back to Adora.

Adora had given up trying to push Melog off her, they were as stubborn as her girlfriend. Adora felt a blush burn across her cheeks at the thought of the word.

“Oh, you actually listened for once.” She heard Catra say from her side. She turned to look and saw Catra approaching with a jumbled mess in her hands that was difficult to make out.

“I think we need to discuss your definition of listened.” Adora quipped, looking down to the oversized cat pinning her down. Catra laughed and placed her items on the ground. She gently pushed Adora, so she had her back to her, and she craned her head to see what she was doing. Catra was pouring some water over a cloth. Catra reached out and took Adora’s hand, twisting her wrist gently so she had access to the scratches. Adora winced when the cloth pressed against the breaks in her skin.

“Sorry!” Catra said, pressing the cloth further in so the water ran through the cuts to wash out any dirt. “Sorry…” She said again, and Adora noticed her eyes were getting darker.

“Catra, it’s alright.”

 _“No, it’s not!”_ She cried, staring up at Adora with burning eyes with such a ferocity that stunned her into silence. “I didn’t want to hurt you…” She said whilst looking away as a single tear tried to escape down her cheek. “not _again.”_

“Hey, hey.” Adora said twisting round to face her. “ _You_ didn’t do this. Not really. We’ve spent our whole lives with things being controlled and people trying to get into our heads. We can’t expect to be able to immediately break free from all that. You didn’t hurt me Catra… You _saved_ me.” Catra looked up at her and damn… How did she spend all of her life with this girl and _not_ get lost in her eyes?

Catra slowly nodded, “Okay…” She said quietly. Catra reached down for the box by her feet and opened it, pulling out a reel of bandages. Adora felt Catra gently wrap the gauze around her arm and tying it tightly over the scratches to stop any dirt from getting to them before they healed. 

Melog got off Adora and she moved back to the blanket and opened her arms up in a gesture for Catra to come back with her. Catra relented and returned to her original position in Adora’s lap and allowed her to pull the blanket over them again. “How did you learn to make that?” She asked Adora, nodding towards the campfire.

“Bow taught me how a few days after…” Adora bit her tongue but continued anyway. “After I left.” Catra nodded, deep in thought.

“Could you teach me at some point?” Catra asked, Adora blinked in surprise, not suspecting Catra to take the beginning of the conversation into her stride.

“Y-Yeah… I would love to!” Adora said.

“Good.” She said simply with a smile and leaned back against Adora who wrapped her arms tighter against her waist. They sat in silence, their only company being the crackling of the fire and Melog’s soft snores. Though Catra was the first to break it.

“I know I’ve been amongst them for a while now… But I still can’t get how many stars there are now.” Adora hummed as she rested her head on top of Catra’s once more.

“We’ll explore them all.” She said.

“It’s gonna be a pain.” Catra said, “How do we navigate them or tell one from the other apart from point and say _that one?_ ”

“We name them?” Adora suggested. Catra laughed and shook in Adora’s arms.

“Yep, that one’s Jeff, that over there is Jessica…”

“And that one’s called Catra.” Adora said pointing to the brightest star in the sky, to their north.

“You would name a star after me?” Catra asked, turning to look at Adora. Who shrugged as if it were obvious.

“The brightest star? I think it suits you pretty well.”

“I don’t think anyone would describe me as the brightest star.”

“I do.” Catra couldn’t find anything to say to that. Even she had to admit… that was really sweet.

“And as a bonus, if I ever leave you again, there’s a permanent reminder of where I should be going.” Adora finished, leaning her cheek against the top of Catra’s head.

“I don’t think you left me…” Catra said quietly. “Not really.”

“I did.” Adora said with conviction in her voice, “I did leave you, and now, sitting here I don’t think I should have done anything else. But even still, I will always regret walking away, however bad it would have been.”

“I don’t…” Catra said, turning to rest on her side and cuddled closer to Adora’s chest. “I won’t lie, when you left, I don’t think there are words to express how painful it was.”

 _Tell me about it…_ Adora thought.

“But here? Now? I…” Catra paused as she got the rest of her thoughts in line. “I have to believe it was all worth it.” She said. Adora could no longer take the fluttering sensation in her chest and she leaned down to kiss Catra. She felt Catra sigh into her mouth and it sent shivers down her spine. She would get addicted to this _way_ too easily. They pulled away and Adora laid her head Across Catra’s, using it as a makeshift pillow.

“Wow…” Catra said, feeling a bit dazed. Adora laughed.

“Oh, I know how to pick em’.” She said amongst her laughter and even made that snorting sound which Catra defiantly did not find horrifically attractive. She sighed out of her laughter and looked around. Here they were under the stars and in the firelight after single … double handedly? Saving the universe… Because their past didn’t want to let them go. Not yet.

“We’re a mess.” Adora said again, she felt Catra cuddle up closer to her and she could not keep the smile of her face.

“You’re an idiot.” Catra replied.

“I love you.” Adora said, her smile getting even bigger because hey… she was _allowed_ to say that now.

“I love you too.” Catra replied. “You and your stupid hero complex.”

“I do not have a hero complex!” Adora argued, looking down at Catra.

“Sure you don’t…” Came her stark reply.

“ _How_ do I have a hero complex?”

“Let’s see here… You ignored me and took the failsafe when you should have let shadow weaver take it. You left Bow and Glimmer behind because you “Needed to do it by yourself,” you told me to leave before you activated said failsafe which nearly caused you to blow yourself up and even when we knew Prime had the heart you still tried anyway which _was_ for a time, certain death. Is that enough or do I need to go further back?” Catra sighed and said in a quieter voice.

“You can’t stand it to see others hurt for you in your place, so you become self-destructive in your drive to protect everyone… I’m just worried that I’m going lose you again because you run into something which is as stubborn as you are.”

Catra expected Adora to argue back, but instead she nodded thoughtfully and said: “Okay fair enough… But I learnt a lot in the temple and at the heart… and I don’t think I have one so bad anymore.”

“Fine, then answer me this… What do you want Adora?” Catra asked, half smirking, half sulking. Knowing she had checkmate, but on the other hand dreading the coming silence as she knew Adora wouldn't be able to give her an answer.

"You..." Adora said, pulling her in tighter, "I want you..."

Oh...

She did not expect that...

Catra looked up in shock. “I’m not as ready to throw everything away anymore.” Adora continued, her face flickering in the firelight. “Because you’re here with me, actually _here_. And that’s… that’s worth _everything_ to me. I’m not ready to give that up.” Adora looked down and her signature smirk formed across her lips, which Catra was spending an unusual amount of attention to. “You’re not getting rid of me that eas-

Adora was cut off as Catra slammed her lips against hers. One of Catra’s hands rested on the side of Adora’s face and her thumb grazed over the top of her eyebrows and Adora moaned into Catra’s mouth. She gasped when she felt one of Catra’s fangs nip into her bottom lip and her brain immediately short circuited, allowing Catra to do anything she wanted.

When Catra pulled away it took Adora a few seconds to realise that she was no longer being kissed by her girlfriend. Catra snickered at her before happily rolling onto her side again and used Adora’s shoulder as a pillow.

After a few minutes Adora felt Catra’s breath even out and she soon realised she had fallen asleep again. Adora felt a surge of pride, she didn’t think she’d be able to get her to go to sleep. But if she could say so herself:

She was _good._

She sat there, feeling the steady rhythm of Catra’s heartbeat and thought back over everything they had discussed since they rescued Catra from Horde Prime. Adora realised that neither magic, nor the passing of time could heal some of their scars. But time with Catra? With their entire future ahead of them?

That, she found. Was something she could work with.

So, pulled deeper by Catra’s breath on her arm and the steady drum of her heart, Adora smiled… and closed her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for stopping by! If you've read the first one in the series, how did this one stand up to it? I got to talk about more stuff but I'm afraid it may lose focus because of it. tell me what you think!  
> And how "punchy" were the panic attack scenes? Most of my ideas are currently around the immediate future after season 5 where they would be the strongest so I really want them to feel BAD, so to speak.  
> Anyway thank you so much for reading!


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